Dad:(Holding 2 toys letting his son choose) si barbie or superman??
Son: superman dad!!!
Dad: good!!(he then left)
Son:Guwapo mo superman!!! nakaumbok pa!! uuuuhhhhmmm!!!
B1:pre,nahoLdp ako muntik pa ako mamatay!
B2:bakit,hindi ka ba humingi ng tuLong?
B1:nag-text ako sa puLis stati0n!
B1:haynaku, eo repLy! “hu u?”Wr did u get
“miss,wag ka munang umalis..
check ko ulit gamit mo..
nasama ata ang puso ko e..”
-WHATEVER, manong guard.
ISANG PROBINSYANONG NAG-RENT NG ROOM SA
PROBNSYANO: Alam ko na probinsyano lang
ako kaya wag mo akong lolokohin. Bakit
ganito room ko? Maliit, walang kama at
bintana. Ang mahal mahal ng bayad ko,
tapos ganito lang?
BELLBOY: Sir nasa elevator palang tayo,
wag ka excited.
ACCORDING TO SCIENTIFIC STUDIES
1 stick of cigarette
by 5 minutes.
by 10 minutes.
So the bAsic sEnsE
Of this statement is,
Kahit maLakas manigariLyo
evolution ng bagong mcdo comerciaL:
‘miss ang sexy mo ah,
pa gerger ka naman..! gerger gerger gerger!
Pedro: Niloko ko yung tindera kanina.. hahahaha
Juan: paano mo nmn niloko yung tindera??
Pedro: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong cellphone!!!
Teacher: Why are you late??
Jr: mam, ther was a man who lost his P500 bill
Teacher: good!!! you helped him look for it right??
Jr:No Mam!!! tinapakan ko po kasi hanggang sa umalis siya!!!
Man told lady after he raped her…
‘in nine months you will have a child, call him Hercules!!!’
The lady replied,
‘in nine days youll have rashes on your penis, call it herpes!!!’
Mga tanong na kailangan ng malalim na pag-iisip
1. Ang lamok ba pag natutulog nilalamok din??
2. Puwede bang uminum ng coke kapag coffee break???
3. ang uod ba pag namatay inuuod din???
4. bakit ang blackboard kulay green??
5. ang lason ba pag naexpired nakakalason pa din??
6. nanganganak ba ang mga bakla?? kung hindi.. bakit sila dumadami??
7. pwede bang magdinner ang may dalang lunchbox???
8. pag sinabi bang 6 feet anim ang paa mo??
Bunso: Itay, tingnan nyo po drawing ko oh
Tatay: wow!! ang galing namang magdrawing ng monkey ng bunso ko
Bunso: Itay, kayo po yan!!!
anong feet ang masakit? edi FEETick! hahahaha!
Nsa palengke ang mayabang engineer.
ENGR: cnu ang gus2ng mkipagtgisan ng talino skin!?
ENGR: Pag nsagot u tnong q, bgyan kta 5000, pg nsagot q nman tnong u, bgyan mo aq ng limang piso…..
TAMBAY: cge ba!!!!
ENGR: what’s the scientific name of a cat?
TAMBAY: ( kinamot ang ulo )Eto, limang piso, hndi q alam e! Aq nman mgttnong sau!
TAMBAY: Anong hayop ang may apat na paa, na pgtwid sa isang bundok ay tatlo nlng ang paa?
ENGR: ( inabot ang 5000 ) Anong hayop ba ito?
TAMBAY: ( dumukot ng limang piso mula sa bulsa ) Di ko rin alam!
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me … it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private
parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test…..we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
And the moral of this story is : Always keep your condoms in your car.